i'm going to be perfectly honest here. january sucked.
half of february sucked.
i was dealing with some kind of seasonal depression... at least i think it's seasonal depression... not the kind that has to do with missing the summer sun, the kind that's has to do with a lull in work...
i relate it to being an actor in a play or musical. you get on a high while you're in the midst of the show's run. you love interacting with your new tight-knit family that you see every day, you love playing your character on stage, you love the challenges and the affirmation of the theatre. but then the show ends and it's like a brutal slap in the face. your schedule changes, your friends move on to new projects, and your constant adrenaline high bottoms out.
this type of depression is less abrupt, more creeping. you get off of a gig, maybe it's a few studio dates, recording for a film. and then you realize, the steady stream of work you've been having for the past few months has ended. the pit musicals are over. the concert gigs have finished. nothing is on the calendar. you wait for the phone to ring again. you're optimistic, the phone has been constantly ringing for months, you don't expect it to stop. but then it does. and you slowly start to doubt yourself. you wonder if you screwed up on the last gig. you wonder if they've found someone better. there's always someone better, what makes you unique? why should you expect to get the call?
that was my january. and half of february.
then february came and so did the calls. and then i looked back on my "season" and thought, "how silly am i?" all the self doubt is suddenly gone, or at least shoved around the corner. and i'm back on the adrenaline train for a while. it's a really abusive relationship, being an artist, a freelancer. you can hustle as much as possible but sometimes the times are low.
remember the high times because the low times are rough...
and remember that the high times are much better.
now that i got that off my chest
i had an amazing week. and i can only talk about it in obnoxiously vague terms... sorry. joe and i had a great meeting with a few composers that left feeling incredibly inspired about making beautiful music with live musicians, not synthetic sounds. "no more plastic trees." only real gardens. 2018 is going to be a good year for martone music.
this has been a post about the lows. life isn’t all highs or highlight reels, it’s all over the place. remind yourself that the lows are a part of life too and don’t be ashamed.